Our Children are Always Watching

I wrote a column a long time ago about our kids watching us. It was back when my kids were younger, and I was trying to be aware of the things I said and did that might influence their actions and personalities. Despite my best efforts, I noticed my kids picking up on little things I was doing at an early age.

Occasionally, my wife and I would see evidence of our personalities reflected in something our kids did or said. Some good, some bad, but all cute because they’re kids. Besides, when they’re still kids, it’s easier to correct the bad and encourage the good.

 A child’s brain is a sponge. They just soak up every example of behavior – good or otherwise - we offer them. They see how we talk to people, how we treat people, how we react to environmental stimuli, our actions during times of triumph and our reactions during times of despair. They soak it in and emulate it in their own lives.

I did my best, over the years, to keep good habits and control bad ones. I didn’t always get it right, but few parents do. We work with what we have. I inherited all kinds of traits from my own parents, both good and bad. I also have a knack for saying and doing the wrong thing on a regular basis. It wouldn’t be unfair to assume my poor kids were headed for disaster from an early age.

And so here we are, each of my kids are now starting their adult lives. I can see the things that they’ve picked up from me and their mom. My oldest is working two jobs to try to get ahead in life, much like his dad has for years. My daughter has a real talent for saying the most sarcastic thing possible at a time when it’s not really helpful. I must be honest; I think her mom and I share the blame on that one.

Then there’s my youngest - the one who inspired this column. He has a habit of calling me on his speakerphone on the way home from school, which I absolutely love. That said, these conversations are often peppered with him yelling, quite colorfully, at his fellow drivers about their skills behind the wheel. I briefly wondered why he was so upset, then quickly recalled the one-sided verbal assaults that I also have on my way home.

That’s when I remembered - he’s been watching the whole time. All my habits, good and bad, have become a part of him. Of course, there are some things I wish I had done differently but, such is life. We are all presented with these little nuggets of chaos by our parents, and we do the best we can with them.

So here is a piece of unsolicited advice for parents with kids that are still young and very impressionable: remember the tools you want your kids to have as they venture out into the world. We all have opportunities to teach our kids something valuable, like how to budget and the importance of a job well done. This seems much better than cussing out the slow driver in the left lane.